If you are at all into the "New Age" world and having some relationship issues, you'll hear phrases like:
- Ooh, that sounded like a really bad relationship, you need to cut all cords from that person
- Call on Archangel Michael to cut any emotional or ethereal cords from that person
- If you're still obsessing about that person, go through a cord cutting ceremony
- You have a stalker? Then you haven't done a good enough job of cutting relationship cords!
And it can go on and on and on... I am not saying that at some point you need to emotionally or physically distance yourself from some people (especially if they are causing physical or emotional harm). Within the dream of our existence there are so many ways to deal with old relationships, especially if they remove us from a sense of peace. But as Abbeygail Quinn states, "cutting cords doesn't always work."
Practicing True Forgiveness After a Heartbreaking Relationship
I have found that the practices of true forgiveness through A Course in Miracles (the Course) are a great way to heal faster and experience greater and longer-lasting peace when it comes to troublesome relationships.
As the Course says, "The world uses its special relationships as a final weapon of exclusion and a demonstration of separateness." (Introduction)
"Everyone on earth has formed special relationships, and although this is not so in Heaven, the Holy Spirit knows how to bring a touch of Heaven to them here." (T-15.V.5)
To me, the Course is always reminding us that any relationship with a another body is a "special relationship." We are constantly trying to fill the lack we created when we separated from God through the many distractions we make up all the time (relationships being a big one). If we are in the early stage of a new relationship, it's most likely going to feel wonderful and fun and exciting. Eventually the newness wears off and each person in the relationship begins to reveal who they really are and the newness bliss begins to wear off. For some, they are able to still feel in love when they get to know the "real person." For others, the relationship begins to fizzle out and someone ends the relationship (or maybe it's even mutual). For most, there may be some painful issues that come up in relationships or even after they end.
The Course's answer to any issues with a significant other is to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is an actual formula that is not really spelled out succinctly in the Course, but can be gleaned from Course authors pulling the material together. In Gary Renard's book "The Disappearance of the Universe", there is a nice forgiveness thought system on page P. 256.
I'll rephrase what that thought system looks like (especially when you are feeling anything other than peace and happiness in a relationship):
- Remember that you created the world, the dream, the illusion that you are experiencing. There is only one of you!
- See the other person as spirit - whole and innocent (this is a big part of the metaphysics of the Course - what you hold in your mind you become!) Do not fall into the trap as seeing them as someone who broke your heart, was mean to you, was violent, was a tormentor, etc... that is only buying into the dream of the ego (separation and bodies).
- Decide that you would rather experience peace instead of this and release the person and the situation to the Holy Spirit.
- Ask the Holy Spirit to heal the situation (this gets you out of the way of trying to solve or fix the person or the situation, only the Holy Spirit knows how to heal your mind for good)
- Repeat the process until you feel more peace.
- Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance around what you should do
Life After Forgiving
Step 6 above is a very important step (in my humble opinion). Once you have practiced the formula, listening for guidance around what to do from the healed part of your mind can be very helpful. As the Course says:
"The Holy Spirit is in both your minds, and He is One because there is no gap that separates His Oneness from Itself. The gap between your bodies matters not, for what is joined in Him is always one." (T-28.IV.7)
This is where you will get guidance that is good for all in the dream of the ego. This is where you can slow down your gut reaction a little bit and start to work with the Holy Spirit's healed mind on what actions to take. You may be surprised by what information you start to hear in your own mind or the people in your life that just show up and blurt out answers.
As an example, I was having an issue with someone at work. They were ok to me, but treating people on my team poorly. I kept practicing the forgiveness formula from above and then asking for guidance. Over and over I kept hearing, "Listen to this person. Let them vent." I went from trying to avoid this person, to actively seeking him out and asking how he was doing. Over time he started to "calm down" and be less dramatic. I am sure he received coaching from others, but at least I was more at peace with the situation.
Another example was with someone I was dating several years ago. I wasn't sure what to do and kept forgiving the situation. I would sit in quiet and listen. I wasn't hearing much to be quite honest. But then friends and strangers would just walk up to me and say, "You need to end that relationship and move on." After hearing this a handful of times I actually laughed a little bit and thanked spirit for bringing me an answer in a very obvious way. I was able to end the relationship without any drama and I felt so much happier and lighter because of it.
Working with the Holy Spirit (especially around relationships) can be so helpful. Practicing the forgiveness formula is key. Just remember one of the main points of the Course: there is only one of you out there, so there's no need to take everything so personally.
Cutting cords is just one way to perpetuate separation. That is why I believe practicing forgiveness is a faster way to become enlightened, even during or after relationships.
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